Showing posts with label announces. Show all posts
Showing posts with label announces. Show all posts

Monday, 17 June 2013

MasterChef recap: Child's play in the kitchen

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MasterChef recap: Child's play in the kitchen
We begin a shiny new week of MasterChef with a sigh of relief at the end of the Battle of the Sexes, the contestants now able to relax and be incompetent and stupid on an individual basis. Tonight it's Kids' Week, but "it's going to be anything but child's play," says the announcer, and we all see what he did there. The episode begins at the contestants' house, where the women are busy wielding the power they won last week by forcing the men into servitude. They demand foot and shoulder rubs on demand, adding sexual harassment to this spicy MasterChef casserole. Then Lynton gets sent to his room, and Kelty says he refuses to touch anyone's foot but his wife's, and look I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think they're all rehearsing for a very bad play. Thank god it's time to get back to the kitchen, but Neha is feeling anxious, and…nope, that's the entirety of her feelings. On the kitchen benches are children's lunchboxes, indicating that yes, the show's budget has been cut. Gary greets the contestants, and we discover that that thing where Lynton gets sent to his room is actually an official thing so I guess it's just that old "stupidity equals ratings" adage. Christina is sick, so she gets to skip this challenge, and everyone else gets to wish they'd thought of that. Advertisement The challenge itself is to cook for children, which George says shouldn't be boring, but it's a bit late for that now. Apparently children are incredibly difficult to cook for, but this is pretty obviously a lie: you can just give them chips. Kelty reveals that he has children yet again, and that his cooking style is homely, as is his family. Andrew reveals that he hates sandwiches because he's weird. Lucy reveals that she's English and therefore her entire childhood was taken from an Enid Blyton book. They open the lunchboxes, the contents of which cause Emma to suffer some kind of stroke. Kelty is thrilled: so thrilled he's "smiling on the inside". Not thrilled enough to smile on the outside, but pretty thrilled. The contestants must use the lunchbox contents – sandwiches and yoghurt and fruit and that kind of crap – to make something truly delicious or at least that will not give the judges the plague. Almost immediately Clarissa begins begging everyone for a strawberry jam sandwich. Possibly she wants to cook with it, but equally possibly she just wants to eat it in the bathroom and cry. Typically she asks Noelene, who is using her strawberry jam sandwich. Everyone is using their strawberry jam sandwich, but Clarissa doesn't have one, which is a bugger, because the only dish she knows how to cook is a strawberry jam sandwich pie. Meanwhile Kelty smiles on the outside and we see why he prefers to keep his smiles on the inside. Vern has extra cream if anyone needs it. "Yes please!" enthuses Pip. WA-HEY! Andrew is making a crumble, of both his ingredients and his life. He tells Gary and George he plans to make a chocolatey yoghurt sauce, and Gary laughs at the horror writ large on George's face. Elsewhere, Noelene is eerily calm, having long ago stopped caring about anything at all. She tells us that she is making two different things. Matt approaches to beg her, in the name of all that is decent, not to. She agrees not to. The kitchen bursts into flames. Sherlock Holmes is in the snow. Rhys Badcock is making a pavlova with a Sunbeam mixmaster. The circle of life turns. Back in the kitchen, clouds are passing unusually quickly overhead. Faiza explains the challenge again for those who came in late, and tension arises as it turns out that she and Neha are both making paratha. OMG how embarrassing! One of them will surely have to go home and change, but instead Faiza asserts her superiority by noting that she is Pakistani AND Indian, mocking Neha's inferior monochromatic heritage. Meanwhile, Samira is taking advantage of the fact that Liliana is standing next to her telling her how to not stuff everything up, and Andrew's crumble is bubbling, if you know what I mean. "School bell's about to ring!" cries Gary, and geez Gary, yeah, we GET it. Time's up, and Neha and Andrew share the awkward hug of two people who have never actually met before. Andrew is quite confident that he has made a crumble which his dogs would eat, and really that's the best he can hope for. Tasting time. Lucy and Pip congratulate each other on being the first to bring their dishes up, acting like that counts as an achievement. Pip's bread and butter pudding and Lucy's Eccles cakes – named for their resemblance to Spike Milligan – are both successes, to the point where Gary starts doing comedy accents and George jumps on a popper out of pure joyous insanity. Next are Andrew and Noelene's crumbles. In a neat metaphor for life, Noelene's custard is too runny, but Andrew's dogs turn out to have an excellent palate, as his crumble is a success. Up step Samira and Kelty, burning with nervousness and repressed rage respectively. Kelty tells the judges his quiche is "full of cheesy eggy goodness" – seriously, he literally says that – because Kelty is that guy, you know the one, who nobody likes? And Samira has also done well and so far nobody has been poisoned and it's all a bit boring. But not for long, as Gary prepares to announce the winner and explodes. After being doused with foam, Gary gets back to announcing the winner, who is Lucy, so there you go. Everyone applauds and there is a distinct sense of magic in the air, as if something vaguely distracting has just happened. Her prize is the ability to choose the key ingredient for the invention test, which is that advantage that they always pretend is a really massive headstart but never actually benefits anyone who has it. At this point three children enter the room and everyone claps as if they've never seen children before. The kids are carrying three ingredients which kids hate: Lucy must determine which cloche the human flesh is under. Actually one ingredient is liver, one is Brussels sprouts (the kid says he "brang" the Brussels sprouts, which is a terrible lapse in standards on the part of Channel Ten and his parents) and the last is anchovies. With these disgusting foodstuffs, the contestants must cook something disgusting for the children, and the top five will cook for immunity on Monday. And then we discover Lucy also gets to choose the nine contestants who she will be cooking against. And she will get to choose which ingredient they have to cook with. She will also get to choose what they wear while cooking, how their hair is cut, and what form of ritual suicide they must commit if they fail. Lucy makes her choices. Kelty and Clarissa have to cook with liver, because liver is best cooked by someone who knows how to cook, so Lucy knows she has an advantage there. Lucy herself chooses anchovies, and among the rest, Noelene is given Brussels sprouts to match her personality, and Lynton is chosen because we like looking at him. Neha happily announces she's decided to make Brussels sprouts chicken spring rolls, her eyes flying haphazardly out of her skull at the sheer audacity of this stupid decision. Meanwhile, Clarissa has decided to mash some potatoes and lose her mind. Lynton is laughing. Oh god I love the way his eyes look when he laughs. George is telling him to be careful when frying anchovies. Shut up George, Lynton knows what he's doing. What does Rhys mean, "Sunbeam: designed to help when it counts"? As opposed to what, the mixers that are designed only to work when you don't want them to? Anyway, they're all cooking away and the people who weren't chosen are yelling pointless rubbish from the balcony as usual. George confides in the other judges that the ingredient he would least like to be cooking with is the anchovies, because they're like headphones. Apparently. I guess George is a bit…you know. "Feeling confident?" Samira asks Kelty. "I've got as good a chance as these guys," Kelty lies. Matt pops along to remind Kelty that he failed last time he had to cook liver. Kelty is definitely the kind of guy who needs reminding of failure as often as possible. Meanwhile Clarissa is sniffing her frypan curiously, wondering what it is. Lucy is making a puttanesca sauce. She and George exchange idiotic facial expressions before he moves on. Rishi is cooking something or other but sadly nobody is interested in what Rishi does. Meanwhile Clarissa is discovering that when you make meat hot it starts looking different. She is fascinated by this. Up above Vern makes devil horns with his hands and hisses at Lucy. I'm not sure there is anyone in this kitchen who is not drunk. Noelene reveals that she knows how to hide Brussels sprouts: we suspect that she tends to secrete them in various bodily cavities. Gary pops over to her bench to let her know once and for all that he thinks she sucks, then moves on to Emma to tell her she's had a great idea and give her help that he's not giving anyone else. Emma takes it on board and then shares with the audience the fact that children are stupid and she hates them. Rishi is almost done and he's so happy but honestly who cares. Time is up, and everyone has done very well in making things to force children to eat against their will. Except Clarissa, who celebrates the end of the invention test by recognising how disgusting her dish is. "I hope you've remembered who you're cooking for today," says Gary, and it's a valid concern, since there's been an inexplicable absence of contestants repeating what we already know every two minutes. Emma's is the first dish to be tasted by the kids. The kids like it. Neha's is next. The kids like it. Neha offers to do a Bollywood dance. The children are disgusted by her ethnic stereotyping. Noelene's is next. The kids don't like it. Imagine what Noelene's own children had to live through. Up comes Clarissa, who, as Rishi notes, doesn't have a clue what she's doing. On the other hand, Rishi has made liver lollipops, which is an offence against God himself. But the kids like them, but then kids are pretty stupid as we know. Kelty then kneels down and tells the children a story about the origin of San Choy Bow, because he is a patronising pillock. The kids clearly realise what a waste of their time this is. The kids like his dish, but that doesn't make up for his personality. The kids do not like Clarissa's dish, which means Clarissa maintains her perfect record of never pleasing anyone with her cooking since birth. The kids enjoy Lynton's dish, and probably also his irresistible smile. Pip's pizza is too hard to eat, or possibly these kids are just lazy. Opinion is divided on Jules's spag bol, and on Jules: do we like her? I just don't know. Finally, Lucy herself, and will her advantage have paid off, or will she have become so distracted by wielding the power to inflict psychological torture on her castmates she forgot to cook properly? The kids like her dish but nobody can taste anchovies in it so I guess she's a failure and a bad person. Judgment minute has arrived, and the cooks line up to learn which of their personal flaws have cost them today. Gary loves that their future in the competition is in the hands of children, even though this is not really true. And the five winners are Rishi, Emma, Kelty, Neha and Lynton – oh thank god, Lynton. Lucy does not make it to the immunity challenge due to her inability to make anchovies taste like anchovies. Kelty made it through because he made liver "fun", which just goes to show sometimes people are rewarded for doing really terrible things. Neha informs us that if she wins the immunity pin she will pass out, and not for the first time we hold grave fears for Neha's central nervous system. And we're nearly out of time. It only remains for Kelty to babble about fighting livers, and then a quick sneak peek of tomorrow's immunity challenge, when the five best cooks from tonight will be forced to choose ingredients in the dark while being attacked by bats. And then a quick sneak peek of everything that is going to happen in the entire series. And eventually, hopefully, this quick sneak peek will end, though no sign of it so far.



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Tuesday, 14 May 2013

“Mad Men” recap: Take everything off for me

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“Mad Men” recap: Take everything off for me
Just when “Mad Men” was starting to sag under the weight of its own hefty ambitions, we get two truly satisfying episodes in a row that remind us all of the reasons why we love this crazy show in the first place. First, there’s the dialogue. As longtime viewers, it’s easy to get bogged down by the symbolic significance of every scene, and get distracted by Don’s downward spiral into damnation, so much so that we can’t see the trees for the forest. Maybe we tend to take the crackling, unpredictable dialogue of “Mad Men” for granted; this episode it was too good to ignore. Second, there are the satisfying scenes. The best TV writers figure out ways to serve up some really tasty payoffs for viewers. On “The Wire,” even against a dystopian backdrop, you had these great moments of connection between McNulty and Bunk, or Omar and his boyfriend, among others. On “Six Feet Under,” Claire and Nate and Rachel may have been struggling or sinking into a funk, but they’d always have ways of gaining leverage on the people bringing them down. For all of its gloom and doom, “Mad Men” still offers some of the most satisfying payoffs of any drama on television. This episode brought moments of redemption to some of the show’s best characters. Ted Chaough, for one, has moved into SCDP headquarters and has assumed the role of the anti-Don Draper. Ted is respectful to women and underlings, unlike Don. He can’t hold his liquor, unlike Don. But most tellingly, Ted is capable of getting close to people and revealing his weaknesses and doubts to them, which makes him about as far a cry from Don as he could possibly be. Where Don let his closest friend in the world, Anna Draper, die of cancer alone, Ted sits by his dying colleague Frank Gleason’s bedside and reveals his uneasiness with Don. The relaxed intimacy of their relationship is beautifully portrayed in the scene, and it feels like a salve for the petty injuries and ego clashes taking place at the SCDP office. First, Ted tells Frank that Don “seems more interested in me than he is in the work.” “But you’re not very interesting,” Frank answers, and Ted doesn’t bristle a bit, demonstrating that he’s secure enough not to mind ribbing. Then Frank quotes Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War,” saying, ” If I wait patiently by the river, the body of my enemy will float by.” He adds, “Give him the early rounds, he’ll tire himself out. Go home, shower. Walk back in there like you own half the place.” It’s touching to see poor Frank, eyes closed, about to disappear, still willing to dish out good advice to his friend. Giving Ted a smart, tragic confidant was a really nice way of letting us understand him better, and allowing us yet another way to root against Don. Apparently that’s what this strange season is about: rooting against Don. Despite his many flagrant missteps, I think plenty of viewers (including me) have stuck by his side up until now. Certainly Betty’s reckless child meets remote beauty queen act never elicited our sympathies all that much; it wasn’t that hard to see why Don wanted to be with other women back then. And when Peggy worked closely with Don the first time around, there was someone for Don to advise and help and confide in occasionally. Once those two elements of Don’s life (along with his closest friend, Anna Draper) were eliminated, it got harder for Don to stay in our good graces. Throw in Megan, who, for all of her flaws, is trying her best to have a happy life (unlike Betty, who seems doomed to paint herself into a dependent corner no matter what her circumstances might be), and you’ve placed Don in a situation where his bad behavior no longer seems all that palatable or sympathetic. Don’s scenes with Sylvia in this episode made his ego appear more fragile than ever. First, Don overhears her upbraiding her husband, Arnold, which clearly upsets Don. Sylvia mocks Arnold for the fact that he thinks he’s a big deal – something Don would never stand for from his own wife, because he’s too insecure for that. Arnie Rosen actually is a big deal, and he knows it, so he can tolerate this attempt to shame him. But Don’s pride in himself comes and goes like the weather, and never feels entirely justified. When Sylvia berates Arnold, Don feels like he’s being berated, because his interest in Sylvia has always been a displacement of his admiration for Arnold. Hearing the argument makes Don worry that Sylvia might have the upper hand in their relationship. After Don feels threatened by Ted’s chivalry and pilot license in the first partner meeting, he meets Sylvia and bosses her around. And look, I don’t know if there’s any show on television where it’s less clear what a given character will do under duress. The suspense of not knowing how people will react is an integral part of the joy of watching “Mad Men.” I love that Sylvia first announces to Don that she can talk about whatever she wants, then she refuses to crawl to retrieve Don’s shoes. Still, she ends up staying open to this game of obeying Don’s commands, as long as it’s just about pumping up the intrigue between them. (Insert overly analytical recap disclaimer here, but Sylvia and Don are in room 503, which is also the SMTP error code for a “Bad Command Sequence.”) When Don tells Sylvia that she exists only for his pleasure, though, that mirrors her complaints with Arnold’s attitude about her. Maybe this is when she starts to see that Don is insecure and he has something to prove through their affair. Don accepts Sylvia’s copy of Dante’s “Inferno” at the start of the relationship, and now he demands her book from her, signifying how his power over her has dwindled. “I had a dream that you crashed in that plane,” Sylvia tells Don somewhat coldly when he gets back from his trip. “I dreamt I went to your funeral and Megan cried on my shoulder. And I went back to Arnold and I made love to him, and I said, ‘I’m home.’” Notice how Sylvia is the hero of her own dream, the one who takes decisive action that other players in her dream must accept. She goes to Don’s funeral, she comforts Megan, she returns to Arnold, she makes love to him, and then she announces to him that she’s home for good. “I can’t fall in love,” Sylvia has told Don in the past, and of course we’re meant to take that literally; she is incapable of falling in love with Don. She was willing to pretend that she was being swept away by her passion for him, yet her affair with Don may have merely been a way to seek revenge on her husband for being such a big deal while she has to sit around at home in a head scarf and housecoat all day long. “There’s no room for me to worry about anyone but Arnold,” she told Don, implying that her lack of power in the world infuriates her, but also that she has no room for Don himself. After a long succession of women falling for Don, this affair takes us back to the days of department store heiress Rachel Menken, who dropped Don the second she discovered that he wasn’t an honorable man. Speaking of honorable men, what could be more pleasing than seeing Joan shepherded to the hospital by that adorable, suck-up youngster, Bob Benson? Bob’s discreet, gentlemanly help in getting her to the E.R. is so gratifying to witness after all of the dismissiveness and abuse Joan suffered at the hands of her ex-husband. Bob’s ability to get Joan in to see a doctor without throwing his weight around is pretty impressive, and just the sort of cleverness and political savvy that may bring him success, despite any apathy toward him at the office. Of course we’re hoping that Bob might have genuine interest in Joan beyond the political – why else do we even know this kid, right? So that sets us up to relish a rare bit of wisdom from Joan’s mother, who tells her, “Honestly, Joan. Every good deed is not part of a plan.” Joan decides to believe her mother, and when Bob is about to be fired in the partner meeting, she uses her own cleverness and savvy to make sure they keep him around. More satisfaction comes from Peggy, who scolds Don for being a competitive baby and getting Ted drunk. She tells Don that she’d hoped Ted, her new hero, would rub off on Don, her former hero, and not the other way around. That has to sting for Don, who once took real pride in mentoring Peggy. The Don who gave Peggy a chance to forge a new life (and even visited her in the hospital) is long gone now, replaced by a guy who’s too lost and too desperate to help anyone but himself. We see Don’s sorry state most clearly in the last major payoff scene, where Don is sweating and shaking as Ted pilots his plane through a storm. As they clear the clouds, Ted puts on his aviator sunglasses and smiles smugly, knowing for sure that he’ll get to play the hero at their client meeting with Mohawk, while Don is reduced to the role of sidekick. Masculinity in crisis! Don has been upstaged at work, scolded by his former admirer, abandoned by his loyal secretary (but what’s going on there?) and dumped by his mistress. And when he returns home to Megan, even though she’s planning to ask for time off in order to save their marriage, he tunes her out. He’s all alone. And then, Bobby Kennedy is shot and killed. (Luckily, it doesn’t take over an entire episode, though it does feel a little bit tacked-on here.) This time, Megan is distraught, but Don can only think about himself. His hero status has taken a bullet it may never recover from. “Reach out in the darkness, and you may find a friend,” we hear as the credits roll. Don better hope he finds a friend, because he doesn’t have any left here. Arnold, Sylvia, Peggy, Megan, Betty, Anna Draper, his own son: They’ve all left him behind. “It’s easy to give up something when you’re ashamed,” Sylvia told Don earlier, but she almost seemed to be speaking for everyone close to Don (and for Americans disgusted with their country in the wake of Bobby Kennedy’s assassination). That’s what Don’s been handing out this season: shame. He’s ashamed of himself, so he can’t stop dishing up shame for everyone else. But one by one, they’re giving up on Don Draper for good.


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